Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Have I mentioned recently how much I hate NASCAR?


No, come to think of it, I haven't brought it up recently. Ugly damn cars, massive waste of dwindling resources (both running the race and in bringing hundreds of thousands of shaved apes to one place at one time), the lovely Southern traditional mix of hypocritical Jesus loving fans (4th commandment, look it up) and even more disgusting knuckle draggers who really don't give a shit about Jesus, but love being deafened, drunk and watching spectacular crashes with the outside possibility of seeing a man die.

It's easy to call people you have never met disgusting knuckle draggers, but let me give you a case in point. This weekend, Jeff Gordon won a race in Talladega, Alabama. For his efforts, fans threw full and open cans of beer at his car. (See picture above.) Gordon's sin? He has now won 77 races, which ties him with the late Dale Earnhardt. It was Dale Earnhardt's birthday on Sunday, so this made Gordon's transgression even greater.

But why hate on Gordon in particular? He's a good looking guy, he proclaims loudly his love of Jesus, he's good at driving in a circle for several hours. Gordon's sin according to the hateful hayseeds who surround the track is that he was born in Northern California, far from their beloved, failed and still failing Confederacy.

Let me reiterate and amplify. NASCAR fans are the proud descendants of the guys who used to call Jackie Robinson nigger. They are the worst of American culture, spending their drunken weekends watching the pointless waste of the world's resources, hoping to see a spectacular crash that a guy might or might not walk away from. The noise and the alcohol help drown out the uselessness of the fan's lives for a few hours, but hey! If they get lucky, they might be at the track one Sunday to watch a man die. Oh, that would be a story they could recount with pride and a tinge of sadness to their drunken friends for many a year.

I know that auto racing has put a real effort in improving the safety of drivers, NASCAR included. I was a fan of racing when I was a kid (but never NASCAR), but I stopped when I saw a list of how many good drivers died on the track while I was a fan. That isn't the case anymore, as the number of drivers killed in crashes has dropped significantly. I'm sure NASCAR has more of its drunken fans die on the way home from races than drivers dying on the track these days.

That said, physics is a bitch. High speeds, hard walls, highly flammable fuels... all these factors and more put the safety measures to the test, and if even one of the measures fails, men can die or be crippled for life.

Dale Earnhardt died for your sins, you miserable mouth breathing losers. Worse, he died for your entertainment. Now get the fuck over it.

Here endeth the lesson.

2 comments:

Juanuchis said...

Uh. Well. We watch cuz of Juan Pablo.

My hub is Colombian. We have to support the homeboy. :)

Fran said...

Perusing past posts pays off...
You GO my man Matty.

Rock on, totally agreed on all gas guzzling points.

Haters and hypocrites.