Wednesday, May 9, 2007

They Wouldn’t Believe Me™: Volume 3 and Flags of Many Lands™

Greece! India! Indonesia! Ireland!

All these countries and more will now thrill to the astonishing tales I will tell! No, gentle readers, not tales of the future, but tales of the present told to people of the past, who think of the present as the future!

Okay... are you confused now? Do you need to lie down?

Yes, it's another episode of They Wouldn't Believe Me™, the semi-regular list of ten things about today and the past 40 years that would be hard for someone from the late sixties to believe.

Also, it gives me a chance to feature the artwork of Jack Kirby, who I thought was kind of cheeseball when I was growing up, but whose work now has a certain charm. This lets me add this post to the Pointless Nostalgia category which currently languishes with only one entry.

To be clear, the whole They Wouldn’t Believe Me™ is NOT pointless nostalgia. NO IT'S NOT!!! I HAS SPOKEN!!

Here's the third list.

1. The best-selling car company in the world will be Japanese.

2. The most popular TV show will be a modern re-working of Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour. The secret to its success will be a very rude judge; to explain this to people from forty years ago, I would say “Think Don Rickles crossed with Eddie Haskell.”

3. The longest running comedy on primetime TV will be a cartoon.

4. Most of the biggest budget movies will be based on novels for children or comic books.

5. In certain situations, you can say “shit” on TV and not get bleeped.

6. Unlike the Gulf of Tonkin, the reasons for starting a new land war in Asia will be proven false BEFORE the shooting starts, and that proof will not matter one bit.

7. Many serious sports fans will not be able to name the current heavyweight boxing champion of the world.

8. A government official proven to have exposed the identity of an undercover CIA agent will not lose his job or his security clearance.

9. A handheld calculator equal to the best available when they were first introduced will come down in price from around $400 to about $5. If you want to spend more, a calculator capable of doing all the difficult calculations needed in statistics will cost less than $20.

10. Over 3 out of every 4 Americans will pay a monthly fee to watch TV and still have to watch commercials to boot.


Karla said...

How about this one?

Our governement will run a secret prison in Cuba, where they can detain and torture people for years without ever charging them with any crime, and the entire country will just go along with it.

However, the drug problems of random celebrities will fill TV, radio, and newspapers, and the country will follow the stories as if they were news.

Matty Boy said...

The first one would be surprising to folks from 40 years ago.

The second... not so much.