Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Hatin' On Commercials: Vol. 1

Welcome to a new semi-regular feature here at Lotsa 'Splainin', one I call Hatin' On Commercials. You might say, "But Matty Boy! It's too easy! Everyone hates commercials." Here I beg to differ. Some commercials are funny. Some tell a good story. Some look nice. This might sound crazy, but some actually inform me about goods and services that I might be interested in buying. (The last one is weird, I'll grant you that. Your mileage may vary.)

But some commercials really suck at a deep down level. I will be deconstructing these types of commercials. (Note: Deconstruction is like 'splainin', only Frenchie style.)

Sadly, for my first two examples, I can't find copies of these ads on the 'net, so I will have to 'splain the ads before 'splainin' why they suck.

The first ad I really hate right now is for the Ford Escape Hybrid. The idea is that people buy sedans because they get good gas mileage, but sedans are boring. Ford will now sell you a hybrid SUV, which is cool because SUVs are exciting.

First off, Ford, sedans are not boring. You make sedans, remember? People don't "settle" for a sedan. They buy sedans because a sedan fits their lifestyle. Some sedans are very nice. You can get a cheap sedan with almost no features if that's all you can afford, but you can also get a very tricked out, pimped up ride in a sedan.

Second off, Ford, SUVs are not exciting. Almost no one really takes them off road. They are cars for soccer moms, the station wagons of the 21st Century. Some people buy SUVs because the SUV fits their lifestyle, but some of these vehicles are just WAY too big for any practical use, and all they really say is "I'm a jerk and I can (sort of) afford this very wasteful land based boat. Screw you, other drivers! And screw the environment too!"

Ford, notice how Toyota has been doing really well over the past few years, and you and the other Detroit Dinosaurs have been sucking? Notice how they make hybrids and you make hybrid SUVs? Think those two facts might be related?

Next up is an ad for Round Table's Steak and Bacon Pizza. The ad takes place in the board room of a competitor. The boss is old, bald, fat and greedy, seated at the head of a huge conference room table. His underlings are showing him Round Table's new pizza. When they finish their presentation, he says "Steak and bacon!", then falls backward out of the frame, then we see his feet. The underlings gather around him, seen from his point of view lying flat on the ground, and one of the creepy minions says "Dibs on his office."

Terrific ad, Round Table. Great joke. Excellent idea to remind people that your product makes people fat and eventually kills them.

This is just one example of fast food ads for meals that really go out of their way to load up on fat and calories. My tagline for any of these is always: "Because America just isn't fat enough."

1 comment:

FranIAm said...

Deep sigh. I have been sitting here all day, ignorning my day job, trying to write my own posts, commenting on others and racking my brain to come up with some clever comment for this blog.

Nada, niente, nothing!

Then it hit me - the Poopy Spot.

You have been warned. This is but one reason that I hate anything having to do with commercial weight loss products. And trust me, I am in need of them. I'd rather choose simple things, as I something like eating less and exercising more. In my experience (and I have been grossly overweight) that is what works best.

Be warned - this is not pretty. Matty don't hate on me for this. Take it down if you must!

In a RARE moment of good taste, no network would actually air this gem.