Friday, August 31, 2007

Say, you're not a cop, are you?

"Because if you're a cop, you have to tell me."

Actually, as we know, it turns out that neither of these wacky kids was a cop, and they didn't run afoul of the law, and they lived happily ever after.

Though in a country with truly just laws, that tie would be at least a misdemeanor and I don't even know where to begin with that dress.

I put up this easily recognizable picture of a john and a prostitute so that I can segue into a topic that I only know by watching TV and movies, the laws against prostitutes and soliciting prostitutes. According to countless episodes of Law & Order and other equally impressive legal authorities, you can't arrest someone for being a hooker until the magic phrase "I am willing to perform ____ in exchange for _____ in cash or other fungible assets." And the criterion for arresting a john also relies on the similar phrase "I have ____ in cash or fungible assets that I am willing to give you in exchange for you performing _____." Then the handcuffs go on and the arrested party is obliged to curse and say they knew the person they were talking to was a cop.

I bring this up because of the recent Larry Craig unpleasantness. This has to be the least sex ever involved in a sex scandal that can destroy a guy's career. Nowhere in the testimony are the words "I want to ____." spoken. The early coy advances by the senator could easily have been thwarted by a tactful "KEEP YOUR FUCKIN' FEET IN YOUR OWN FUCKIN' TOILET STALL, YA FUCKIN' FAGGOT!", followed by the officer getting out of the stall, glaring at the offending party until he washed his hands and left. Having this message play on an intermittent tape loop through a P.A. in the restroom in question would probably be as much of a deterrent to the unwanted behavior as the arrests the cops are now using.

Just sayin'.

And with that out of the way, let's take a listen to this week's Random 10.

Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler) Marvin Gaye
Diamonds Are Forever Shirley Bassey
Look On Yonder Wall Elmore James
Get The Party Started Pink
I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now) Otis Redding
Substitute The Ramones
Snowman XTC
Under Your Spell/Standing Amber Benson and Anthony Stewart Head
Mr. Me They Might Be Giants
Political Science Randy Newman

The song from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical almost qualifies as obscure, and I'm always glad to see an appearance from Elmore James on the list. James is one of the few blues artists whose songs sometimes admit that it might be their own behavior that causes their unhappiness, which is a welcome respite from the standard blues lyric, "I woke up this morning and the world started shitting on me."

1 comment:

dguzman said...

You know, I never really liked the blues but could never say why--now I know! You've hit the nail on the head. I mean, the world shits on everyone; tell me something I don't know.

I also wonder why no one's asking David Vitter (R-DC Madam) to quit. He actually DID commit a crime; he didn't just tap his toes in time to "The Trolley Song." (alliteration, even!)

HOLY CRAP my word verification is orgiis. WTF?