Sunday, September 16, 2007

A Brief and Personal History of Giant Women

Actually, I've got to say not so much bothered as hot and bothered, but thanks for asking. (Click for bigger picture, if that's what you're into.)

Since I was a wee lad, I've had a thing for giant women. My first exposure was probably seeing Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman on TV (Ding.) Then I saw Jason and the Argonauts on the big screen at the old Grand Lake Theater in Oakland, where there is a brief scene with the giant goddess Hera (future Bond girl Honor Blackman) speaking to Jason. (Dingding!) After that, on TV I saw the Fellini film The Temptation of Doctor Antonio with Anita Ekberg as a giantess who comes down from an advertising billboard to torment a prudish and conflicted censor, and

(DINGDINGDINGDING!!!!)... please no more calls. We have a winner.

All this happened well before the age of ten.

I bring up this odd interest, (okay, you can call it a fetish) because it has only been addressed marginally here on the blog, though it has brought me a lot of readers. My post about gigantic child brides was one of the first things I wrote that Dr. Monkerstein mentioned in his blog, which helped me become one of his blog buddies. Also, I got a lot of viewers by putting in pictures of Miss Elizabeth Kucinich, the first of the gigantic child brides mentioned here at Lotsa 'Splainin'. Every Democratic debate means more people wandering the Internets looking for pictures of Miss Elizabeth, and ending up here at my blog.

I've met a lot of fellow giantess lovers, first online, then some in person after our electronic introduction. It's a pretty common theme that we knew at a very early age that we found the image of a woman towering over a full grown man exciting. Whether we were hard wired this way or it's some combination of wiring and the triggering image, I can't say.

Damnit, Jim, I'm a mathematician, not a neurobiologist specializing in sexual proclivities!

Giantesses don't seem to show up that often in myths and fairy tales, especially the ancient stories. There's Alice In Wonderland and her changing sizes and giant women in Gulliver's Travels, which is now marketed to children but that was NOT Swift's original intention. In general, giants are guys who show up in myths and fairy tales to get their asses kicked. At least, this makes sense in the stories we are gonna tell the kiddies. It wouldn't be such a good bedtime story to end it with "And then the angry giant fashioned a club from the trunk of an old dead tree, destroying the homes of the villagers and crushing them underfoot as they fled in blind panic. The End. Well, sleep tight, kids!"

But in fact, giantesses DO show up in ancient myths, most especially from Northern Europe, but not in the parts of the stories we tell the kiddies. Taking a giant wife or mistress is a sign that the hero is indeed a mighty, mighty man. There are versions of the Arthurian legend where Guinivere is a giantess, even a set of giant triplets!

Another example of the giantess as the pinnacle of desirability comes from the Norse gods and the story of the god Thor. Thor killed giants. Lots of giants. Show Thor a giant, Thor would kill him just as soon as look at him. But the giantesses are another story. The giantesses had a soft spot for the little guy and his big hammer. There's one story where the giants are setting a trap for Thor, but giantesses warn him and he turns the tables. More to the point, Thor has a giant mistress named Járnsaxa (Iron Blade), who bears him a son named Magni (Strength.)

With his goddess wife Sif, Thor also has a daughter Thrud (Power), praised both for her beauty and size, kind of an early supermodel with the accent on the super. (Aside: How do you chat her up? "So, what's your name?" "Thrud." "Yeah... that's a pretty name.")

Some of the gods need weapons, what with Ragnarok just around the corner, so they go to the dwarves. They promise the leader of the dwarves Alviss (All Wise) that he can marry Thrud if the weapons are delivered. The dwarves do their bit, but none of the gods who cut this deal talked to Thor about it, who is less than thrilled with the idea of his big beautiful prize of a daughter marrying a dwarf and living the rest of her life underground. You might think, Thor... angry... hammer... crushed dwarf, but you would be wrong! Instead of killing this undesirable future son in law by force, Thor wants proof that Alviss is all wise, so he asks him a series of questions. The trivia contest lasts all the night, and the rays of the sunrise turn the dwarf into stone. The end.

So in conclusion, I'd like to say a kind word for my unusual compatriots. While we might spend too much time thinking about giant women, our reaction to them is not that far out of the ordinary. When giantesses show up in myths, the standard reaction is not "Run for your lives!" so much as it is "Hey! Who's the NEW girl?"

Boy, that's lotsa 'splainin'. Glad it's a Sunday.

Now playing: Astor Piazzolla, Lalo Schifrin/Orchestra of St. Luke's - Concerto para bandoneon: Allegro marcato
via FoxyTunes


sfmike said...

Way to come out of the closet, dude. Long live Ursula Plassnik and Ursula Andress and any giantess named Ursula, forever and ever.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I adore giant women. And women who look like they can kick my ass, which admittedly is not very hard to do.

Man, what a great post. Thanks Matty. I got to admit you got me thinking down and dirty thoughts about some big women.

Matty Boy said...

Thanks, Mike. Given my comments about Ursula Plassnik on PSP, my interests are about as secret as k.d. lang's orientation was before she came out officially. It's not my plan to turn this into an all-giantess, all the time website, but I thought it was time to lay the cards on the table, given how many people have found my website due to pictures of Elizabeth Kucinich.

And thanks to you, Dr. Monkerstein. I have to say that the number of things we have in common is starting to get spooky in a alternate universe doppelgänger sort of way.

FranIAm said...

I knew we were doomed Matty, but now that I am married and you have made your intentions clear, I am only 5' tall.

Deep sigh.

But I do love Ursula too. We will always have that.

P.S. you and dr. monkey as doggelgangers. oh dear.

dguzman said...

Matty, how could you NOT love giantesses after seeing Honore Blackman and Anita Ekberg as big gals? Sheesh. It was written in the stars.

Oh, Fran, you mentioned Ursula P! *swoon*

My partner's 6'2". I'm 5'1". Perhaps I got a little of the giantess-love-thang going on too.

Matty Boy said...

The late 50s and early 60s were the golden age of giant woman movies, and almost all of them were blondes. I actually wished for a giant brunette just to be different. There's an episode of The Avengers where Steed get shrunk, so Diana Rigg is a giantess in relation to him. She had a terrific attitude in that show. It's a favorite among many of My People of my generation.

T said...

Just FYI.. the Giantess's name is "Thruð" (Icelandic "eth").. pronounced "Thruth". :)

Village of the Giants did have a brunette giantess. Vicki London. I thought she was sexier than the blondes anyway. ;)