Saturday, September 22, 2007

Brobdingnag City... Hello!

Here we have a picture of Henry Kissinger, Larry King and their respective gigantic child brides. In fairness, I should say that Nancy Kissinger is in her seventies while Henry Kissinger is 81, but she has always been stylish and tall, while he has always been a troll. As for Larry King and his much taller, younger wife... yeesh. They make a creepier looking couple than Fred Thompson and the Hooters Girl, and that's saying something.

I do not know how Larry King and Henry Kissinger met or how they decided to become friends. My best guess is that they have the same eyeglass frame designer.

The first big bump in viewership for my blog was when I put in a link on BuzzFeed about Elizabeth Kucinich, the gigantic child bride of Dennis Kucinich. The huge increase in readers lasted about three days, and that one week is still the most traffic the website has ever seen. While thousands of people came over to Lotsa 'Splainin' in those few days, some decided to stick around the number of readers has grown slowly and steadily. More recently, BuzzFeed had a bunch of links about taller women and shorter men, so I submitted a link to my gigantic child brides post from last May. Unlike the first increase, which spiked huge and faded within days, people coming to my website looking for gigantic child brides has been roughly half my readership for well over two weeks now.

And so I produce this post, which is called "pandering". It's a marketing term... very technical, so I won't bore you with the details.


FranIAm said...

Gigantic Child Brides.

You are shameless.

And brilliant.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Your love of gigantic childbrides makes you truly worthy of my simian blog friendship.

Matty Boy said...

My buddy sfmike over at his brilliant blog Civic Center has a picture of local publisher Phil Bronstein (ex-husband of Sharon Stone) with his latest flame. If there are wedding bells in their future, I will have more fodder for the obsession that has brought me fortune and fame.

Wait, I need to edit that last sentence. What's the phrase? Oh, yeah. Obscurity and poverty!

dguzman said...

oh my goosh, I just realized that I actually have a gigantic child bride! (well, she's not technically my bride since the oh-so-moral majority doesn't want us sicko gays to marry, but you know what I mean.)

I'm 5'1", Kat is 6'1". I'm 43, she's 31. I'm a nerdy politics wonk, she's a tall blond goddess getting her PhD. Holy hand grenade, cool!

Please tell me I'm more like Kucinich and less like Larry King and Der Kissinger....

Matty Boy said...

Congrats, dguzman! As I 'splained in the giant woman post of last weekend, marrying a giant bride is a sign of the prowess of the hero, or in your case, heroine. Whether that hero or heroine shows themselves to be on the right side at Ragnarok, that's for the gods to decide, as far as I can tell.

Distributorcap said...

question -- how does Mrs King perform Mrs King duties looking a Mr King?

do they make short paper bags?

sfmike said...

"I do not know how Larry King and Henry Kissinger met or how they decided to become friends. My best guess is that they have the same eyeglass frame designer."

It's a warmongering Jewish male troll club with Giant Women as accessories. That's a frankly depressing picture, as the evil seems to just ooze off the side of the frame.

Matty Boy said...

The separate creepiness of this picture is how it answers the question "How large should a person's head be in relation to their body?" with four completely different ratios.

They could be separate species. Possibly even four separate species.