Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Keeping track of scurrying rats.

Stick with me on this one. It gets confusing. I have brought many pictures to help 'splain.

FEMA runs a fake news conference during the Southern California fires last week. The guy answering the questions is real enough, but the folks asking the questions are all FEMA employees, not actual reporters. In Vegas, these folks are called shills.

Dana Perino is outraged. Nothing like this would ever happen on her watch.

This will not stand!

No questions are asked about the fake reporter and man-whore Jeff Gannon who had a White House press pass for over a year while weasel scumbag Scott McClellan was White House press secretary. Obviously, that's old news and not relevant to this situation.

People get fired! Yay! The White House does the right thing! Even Keith Olbermann has Lawrence O'Donnell on his show praising the swift and morally correct action and Olbermann praises it, too, though with some well-deserved snark about the lack of morals exhibited for the past six and a half years.

Meanwhile, this guy, John "Pat" Philbin, head of External Affairs at FEMA, is one of the people who resigns in "shame". He wasn't the guy at the podium, he was just one of the fake reporters. Also, given his title, he was probably one of the ringleaders of this scam.

I put quotes around "shame" because he is out of work a total of three days, and two of those days were a Saturday and Sunday. He landed a job at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, one of those extra layers of bureaucracy created by the Bush Administration to make it harder to tell exactly who the fuck is in charge of anything.

Where did I learn this breaking news? Over at Impeachment and Other Dreams, the blog run by the owner of this little guy, Niblet. The owner is better know here as dguzman.

The crap that goes on in this administration is so hard to keep straight, I think they could have a kitteh as press secretary and the amount of information that would come to light would not change.

Deep, calming breaths.

Update: dguzman informs me in the comments that the job offer to the fake reporter has been rescinded, no doubt because it was brought to light. If either dg or I had heads as big as, say, Bill O'Reilly, we would take personal credit, but our mocking and outrage are just the crazy blogosphere stuff. Real reporters deserve the credit.

Yay, real reporters! Boo, fake reporters!


dguzman said...

Sorghum Crow just told me that the job offer was rescinded--yay!!! Of course, as I commented back to him, they were probably just throwing him to the wolves so Fox Nazi Channel could report how ethical the BushCo administration is. Kinda like when Bush vetoed the SCHIP bill to show he was fiscally responsible.

Yeah, right.

dguzman said...

and thanks for the cross-link and the giant pic of Niblet my little son-moon-and-stars!

Jeff Gannon said...

Old Media Ablaze Over Staged FEMA Presser

Liberal activists and the Old Media are aghast and outraged over a press conference conducted last Tuesday by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Reporters were only able to listen to a department spokesman respond to questions about relief efforts for the California wildfires posed by other members of the FEMA staff. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff appropriately chastised the sham press conference and promised an investigation and disciplinary action and the White House expressed its displeasure with the incident.

Surely no one at FEMA believed that the staged event would not immediately be discovered and criticized. What could the motivation have been for such a stunt? Perhaps FEMA wanted an opportunity to present its version of events before the Old Media created its own reality about the fires and the actions of the agency. News consumers had already listened to reporters making comparisons to the federal response to Hurricane Katrina and attempting to find fault with the handling of relief efforts. California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had to take ABC’s Claire Shipman by the hand to convince her that everything possible was being done and that she should stop trying to invent mistakes and shortcomings. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and other environuts demagogued the tragedy as evidence of the effect of global warming, while California Democrats like Sen. Barbara Boxer and Lt. Governor John Garamendi incorrectly claimed that relief efforts were impeded by having troops and equipment in Iraq.

One of the lessons learned in the wake of Katrina is how the unaccountable Old Media are able to create a false impression that their ideological soul mates in the Democratic Party use for political advantage. In my book, “The Great Media War: A Battlefield Report”, I detail the flawed coverage of one of the greatest natural disasters in American history – a record that has yet to be corrected.

When I learned of the fake news conference, I expected that the characterization of Jeff Gannon as a “phony reporter” would be revived. Liberal media activist Keith Olbermann noted it on his nightly train wreck of a talk show and the lefties of the blogosphere dutifully repeated it ad nauseum. This is a classic case of how a lie becomes reality, since the record proves otherwise. I was as real as a reporter gets, writing over 500 articles as a White House correspondent, a job that Secret Service records indicate I actually showed up for more than 200 times over the course of two years. The veracity of my work as a reporter has never been successfully challenged.

Further, in 2006 – a year after my supposed exposure as a “phony reporter” - my peers accepted me into the National Press Club, the most prestigious association of professional journalists in the world. My book about the media will be featured at the National Press Club’s 30th annual book fair on November 1. Not bad for a “fake, fraud and phony.”

Matty Boy said...

Thanks for the update, dg. I'll change the post to reflect it.

Matty Boy said...

Jeff, buddy, don't sell yourself short! You aren't just a "fake, fraud and phony." You have sex with other men for money!

Whole truth and nothing but, pal!

Karla said...

Matty Boy,

Have you hit the big time?

Weenies posting on blogs to clear their weenie names?

What is this weenie world coming to?

And just how fucking stupid do these geezers think we is?

dguzman said...

I second Karla's congrats on your having pissed off a certain gigolo!

Matty Boy said...

Might be a fake Jeff Gannon, but think of how sad a person that would be!

Still, it's nice to know he has time to scan the 'net for whenever he is mentioned to make sure is good name isn't sullied!

The madhouse gets madder, and we are surprised?

Karla said...

Now, in the geezer's defense, I also have to say that the old media and much of the new is a full-on catastrophe.

That Schwarzenegger thing yesterday was pathetic. If he's so desperately afraid of the truth, he needs to get out of office and go back to the movies. We need real strength in office, not just bluster, bullying, and fakery (or fuckery, as the case may be).

The fourth estate is supposed to act as a de facto fourth branch of government, and to provide a constant set of checks and balances to the workings of the other three branches.

As we've seen, the ethical, moral, and intellectual failures of the news media have helped turn our country into a pathetic, partially gelled lump of mincemeat.

FranIAm said...

Wow - a real Jeff Gannon or a fake one? That is one real doozy!

Great post and is our dguzman not the best?

I can trace my association with her t this very blog. And for that, among other things, I am grateful!

Matty Boy said...

On the topic of dguzman: I am very happy that she is a regular commenter here at Lotsa 'Splainin', as I am happy with all my regular guests.

On the topic of Jeff Gannon: I don't know if this Jeff Gannon is real or not, but he certainly writes in the style of an advocacy journalist, which is the nice way to say partisan hack. Given that he felt compelled to defend his good name (sic) on a blog with a readership of 70 people a day, give or take, shows that he has a lot of time on his hands and may not quite be at the big time level he would like us to believe he is, what with his big time new book and membership in The National Press Club.

I guess I should have some gratitude. I know several of my blog buddies have had troll trouble in the past. At least my troll is famous!

Hey, everybody! I got Shrek! My troll is SHREK!

Distributorcap said...

the fake jeff gannon
like when the franklin mint bought and now sells the real fake jackie's pearls

FranIAm said...

And all I got was that crappy slappz troll.

It went to Fairlane's and he kicked its ass!

I say Jeff Gannon has some pointage attached.

What would Princess Sparklepony say?

Anonymous said...

Matty Boy,

There's an effort underway to remove all the roadblocks to impeachment. ( Details ) Please consider showcasing this approach on your blog; and discussing this with your friends who may know others at Daily Kos. Thank you.