Wanna thank all y'all for coming out today. Some folks went to a lot of trouble to make the sign in back of me here, and it would have been a shame if nobody saw it.
First. I'd like to talk about energy security. There's two parts to this: energy and security. By this I mean, if you have energy... you should have security. If you have energy, you can sell it to people for money, and money means security. When I came into office, if you had a barrel of oil, you couldn't get people to pay you $30 for it. Now, people will pay $80 for it! Heck, my administration ain't even done yet! We're aiming for $90 a barrel, and some cockeyed optimists are hoping for $100 by the time I leave office. Then, if you have energy, we can promise security.
I wonder, when I leave office and I'm out of a job [laughter and a smattering of applause]... I wonder if there's a place on the board of directors of some oil company for a bright young go-getter like me.
Then we have climate change. That sounds like two things, but it's just one. Maybe we should make it one word: climatechange. Anyway, we have that, too. We got 'em both! Energy Security and Climatechange!
So that's mission accomplishified. Twice.
[Picture from White House website. Remarks made up. Numbers verified.]