Sunday, October 7, 2007

Vox Populi: Dana Perino is The Bizarro Scully

Ms. Anderson, you will stop looking at me that way and right now! I am just a man, and as such I can resist anything but temptation.

Ms. Perino, I won't pull your finger. That joke isn't nearly as funny as you think, and some of the things that come out of your mouth are already stinking up the room (and the world) pretty bad.

The votes are in, and my loyal readers by a narrow margin have voted that Dana Perino is the Bizarro Scully. Let's review the options, shall we?

Only one person thought Perino was the Anti-Scully. To be the Anti-Scully, she would have to be made of anti-matter, and while this is physically possible, it is very unlikely, and my sensible readers largely rejected this.

23% said Perino was a Rogue ScullyBot. This was my personal choice, though the eventual winner was my second choice and only second by a narrow margin. Since many readers here are also regulars at Princess Sparkle Pony, I thought the sometimes malfunctioning robot option would have more appeal. No matter. I stand by the will of the people.

30% of respondents said Perino was Scully's Evil Twin. While there is a resemblance in some pictures, it isn't all that close, so the idea that they shared a womb finished second to the eventual winner.

A 38% plurality believe that Perino is The Bizarro Scully. This would say that Dana Perino is from another planet or universe where things are comically but dangerously opposite of nearly everything we know here on Earth. This would explain why she is a blonde while Scully is a redhead, and also explain why she says "We don't torture" when we do, "We respect the Constitution" when we don't and "We are fiscally responsible" when we are spending money much faster than we are taking in revenue.

I guess we should have known we were in for trouble when the Supreme Court decided who would sit in the Oval Office instead of the other way around.

Aside to Ms. Anderson: I was hasty. You can keep looking at me that way for a little while longer. But only for today. Tomorrow I have to return to the real world where I have a job.

Now playing: Elvis Costello - Spooky Girlfriend
via FoxyTunes

1 comment:

dguzman said...

Oh Matty, your analysis cuts right to the heart of the matter! Perino is quite simply the dangerous opposite of everything we know here on Earth, especially the Truth. Scully chases the Truth! And she's so effing hot too. I wouldn't even allow Perino to chew my pinky toenail, man.

Ah, Scully. Ah, Ms. Anderson. Look at me that way any damned time you want to.