Thursday, November 8, 2007

They Wouldn't Believe Me™, Vol. 5

The return of the surprised woman with the pixie haircut means it's time for another installment of They Wouldn't Believe Me™, wherein I use as yet uninvented technology to send a message back to 1967 to let them know about the amazing future that awaits them, filling them with wonder, awe and a vague feeling that they are being bullshitted. No, my friends from the past. Guaranteed no bullshit! Here's a quick list of things to expect, believe it or not.

1. From 1969 to 1972, there will be six manned landings on the moon. That part shouldn’t surprise someone in 1967. From 1972 to 2007, there will be none, with no funded plans ever to return as of yet.

2. When you go out in public, many of the people you see will be talking on portable phones roughly the size of the communicators used on Star Trek. It is particularly common to see people on the phone while driving.

3. There will be a debate in this country about whether waterboarding, which has been practiced since The Inquisition at least, constitutes torture. The president and his attorney general will say that it does not, at least not if it's "done right".

4. After 1967, Sean Connery will only make one more “official” film as James Bond. Besides the six Connery films, there will be fifteen more made, with yet another planned for release in 2008. Yep, still making James Bond movies in the 21st Century. 22 movies, six different lead actors, pretty much one plot.

5. World Champion Boston Red Sox? Oh, yes, but don't hold your breath! World Champion Chicago Cubs? Not in my lifetime. World Champion San Francisco Giants? Still waiting for that one, too.

5a. And, oh yeah. Night games at Wrigley Field.

Now playing: Eurythmics - Would I Lie To You?
via FoxyTunes


dguzman said...

I like this feature. When beepers were first becoming popular, I was just amazed--it was like having a Dick Tracy watch! I think kids who weren't around before all this Internets and cellphones and stuff--I think they got cheated, in that they don't appreciate the wonder and magic of these new inventions.

Matty Boy said...

These are fun, but they are hard. Thinking they would be easy, I used to put ten on a list at the beginning, but I started running low fast, especially if I get picky about not repeating myself or just doing variations on a theme.

dguzman said...

Well, so many of today's commonplace things are all related to computers/microchips. It's not like someone's invented a whole-house cleaning device that runs on leaves and cleans your house top to bottom in 30 minutes.

Now THAT would be something.