Tuesday, May 6, 2008

We came for the weapons of mass destruction...

but we'll stay for the shopping!

In a story reported by the Associated Press over the weekend, the Pentagon has big plans for the green zone in Baghdad. Not right away, of course, but within five years or so, not only will we have the biggest embassy ever built anywhere to monitor relations with this two-bit little country we invaded, but our diplomats, soldiers and contractors will be able to afford gracious living at a lovely mall. Doesn't it look nice? In the artist's rendition, the people are those lumpy white objects. I don't think the artist was trying to insinuate that Americans are fat, but more that full body armor is bulky.

Obviously, this is meant to be an upscale mall, not one of those with skater kids hanging around the food court. I imagine that Macy's and Nordstrom's will be fighting over the honor of being the anchor store. Since it will be five years from now, I don't expect the Macy's/Nordstrom battle to be high intensity, but more along the lines of a dead body showing up about once a month, twice tops, lots of bluster and constant threats of peace talks. The sort of thing that's unfortunate, but not front page news.

Who should mediate these disputes? Well, Condi Rice will be out a job by then. If the mall has a top end shoe store, I'm sure she'd be willing to step in and iron out any difficulties. After all, if the Macy's/Nordstrom war should spill over into a Ferragamo/Jimmy Choo armed struggle, the consequences would be shattering.

6 comments:

FranIAm said...

This has silenced me.

CDP said...

Is it April 1?

dguzman said...

So glad we have our priorities straight and are really going places with this whole "empire" thing.

Matty Boy said...

Agreeing with all who commented, espcially cdp. I think they waited until May to release this, because even on April 30 someone would have asked if it was a belated Fools joke.

Not to say it isn't.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Hooray! Huzzah! Starbucks and Mickey Dee's in Iraq.

Distributorcap said...

i hope they have a parking lot big enough for the tanks and armored vehicles. and the sharper image should stock A LOT of gas masks and uzis