Saturday, July 26, 2008

Google likes me? Ask again later.

If you have the Google toobar on your browser (and I think it comes standard with Firefox, my personal favorite browser), in the middle of the toolbar is a little green and white rectangle labeled PageRank. This more or less tells you what The Google thinks of your webpage. It was the software package that effectively started The Google as a company. It is computed by using a mathematical method called Markov chains, which I 'splained many months ago. The basic idea is that people are always wandering around the Internets, following links from one place to another. The PageRank number, which goes from a low of 0 to a high of 10, gives a rough idea of how many people actually stop at a particular blog and read and the scale is logarithmic. This means a page with rank of 3 is about ten times more popular than a page with rank of 2, and a page of rank 5 is 100 times more popular than a page of rank 3. Most of my blog buddies have rankings between 3 and 5. has a 9 and so does YouTube. The Huffington Post and Fox News are at 8. I Can Has Cheeseburger is a 7 and I Can Has Hotdog is a 6.

Earlier this week, when I started thinking about writing this post, Lotsa 'Splainin' 2 Do had a page rank of 0 of 10. Yessir, nada, zilch, the big squadoooche!

What's up with that?

I don't keep obsessive track of my PageRank number because it didn't seem to be changing much. I was ranked at 3 of 10 for a long time and I thought that since it didn't change much, I'd pay attention to the stuff that did change. As we can see from these stats, I can expect a little more than 200 visitors a day currently, and about 6,000 or more visitors a month, which is a huge improvement over last summer, when this blog was just getting on its feet. Yesterday, visitor 60,000 showed up here. Some of my blog buddies who have sitemeters attached to their blogs are at this level or a little higher, some are as low at 10,000 visitors total over the entire history of their blog. Among my personal contacts at the PageRank 5 of 10 level are Princess Sparkle Pony, sfmike's terrific Civic Center, Pissed Off Patricia's Morning Martini and my two cross species blog buddies, Dr. Monkerstein's Monkey Muck and Dr. Zaius' ZaiusNation. Upon further review on Sunday, I can also add DistributorCap and Cat In The Bag to the PageRank 5 Club.

How about everybody's favorite troll, who recently left an infestation over at dguzman's place? His blog has PageRank 2, so it makes sense for him to leave comments in places with about 100 times more readers, give or take. Obviously, I'm not linking to him. Why bother?

I was going to write a post railing about my cruel fate and speculating as to what I might have done to offend the Gods of The Google. My best theory was that because of posts about My People and Our Agenda, the Google software had put me on the Smutty Thotz list, and from what I can see testing a small sample, the Smutty Thotz websites are given very low PageRanks, and not just those that cater to my favorite odd fetish. I have to think some of them should have a lot of traffic, but PageRanks between 0 and 2 are common.

Then, when I woke up this morning, my PageRank was 4 of 10. Whatever I did to piss off The Google, all is now forgiven. Because I had gone to all this trouble of getting pictures and fiddling with them in my paint program, and I because I think the story behind the software is interesting, I decided to 'splain this thing anyway, even though the original reason for 'splainin', Matty Boy's dire fall into the abyss of 0 ranked pages, was merely a temporary setback.

Or is it my return to the land of the respectable that is temporary? Stay tuned.


Splotchy said...

Google Toolbar doesn't come automatically with Firefox. I just downloaded it because I hadda find out my PageRank.

Now it's yet another thing I can obsess about. Thanks, Matty Boy!

Matty Boy said...

Splotchy, this might be a good time to Google the serenity prayer, because as far as I can tell, there's not a damn thing you can do about your PageRank.

sfmike said...

I'm so glad I'm technically too stupid to try and find out my Page Rank, and the fact that you've checked out "Civic Center" and it's fabulously high, helps make my day. Speaking of which, our Oakland Field Trip today was beyond cool, in fact even cooler than the museum display dedicated to the proposition of "cool," and the boat ride back was even cooler.

See you soon.

Matty Boy said...

Thanks, mike. I wasn't even on the boat ride and I had a smashing time. I plan a post about our magical afternoon, tentatively titled Perks of Blogging 2: The More The Merrier.

Zoey & Me said...

I don't have firefox. Where did Splochy dload it from?

Matty Boy said...

Google "Google toolbar".

Splotchy said...

ha ha you said google google

Zoey & Me said...

I found it under settings, then buttons. This isreally cool. Thanks Matty.

Distributorcap said...

do i have to do the google on the tubes to get the google tool

i dont have it

Dr. Zaius said...

Thanks for the link! I actually hate toolbars, though, for a variety of reasons. :o(