Sunday, July 27, 2008

These boys is gonna be my BRAIN trust!

Some folks on the left have called John McCain John McSame because of his voting record which has consistently backed the positions of the Bush administration over the past seven and a half years. But here at Lotsa 'Splainin', we see past the surface similarities to unveil the deep differences between McCain and Bush. While Bush relied on retreads from previous Republican administrations, McCain is a maverick™! His closest advisors will be from the fresh and exciting pool of people who have been in the Senate for nearly as long as he has.

You can bet your bottom dollar Phil Gramm will have an important economic position should John McCain be elected, and if John McCain is elected, your bottom dollar is a lot closer to your top dollar than you might think. Did you know Gramm used to be a Democrat? John McCain doesn't care about that because he's a maverick™! Gramm also taught McCain a valuable lesson that McCain could have used when he was being paid muscle for a criminal like Charles Keating. Gramm just designed the bill that let Enron rob its customers and shareholders blind. He let his wife pick up the checks by being on the board.

Now that's thinking!

Just how much of a maverick™! is John Sidney McCain? He doesn't even care about labels, he just cares about results! Look at him about to take a happy spin around the dance floor with his good buddy Joe Lieberman. Lieberman is the sort of fellow who should be given an important foreign policy role in any McCain administration. Heck, Joe is an independent! He's not beholden to the fossilized positions of those silly labels of Republican and Democrat. With Joe, you get the new and forward thinking of the Likud Party, straight down the line.

Speaking of straight, Lotsa 'Splainin' would like to dispel the rumors about Joe and John right here. Manly men sometimes like to show some manly affection by pawing each other like prom dates, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Some might complain that the McCain brain trust members are old enough to collect full pensions, much like the candidate himself is. Well, the Republican party isn't about to concede the hipster vote just yet! Consider young Lindsey Graham, fresh faced senator from South Carolina and McCain's dining companion at the Fudge Haus restaurant on the day that showboat Obama was giving a speech in front of 200,000 screaming krauts in Berlin. Graham is a lifelong Republican and the same age as Matty Boy! Among McCain advisors, that's almost like being in pre-school! Why is it someone so close to McCain and so obviously young and fresh faced isn't at the top of the list of potential running mates?

Well, hypothetical question asker, some wags in Washington have implied that young Senator Graham may not have collected enough wood to build an entire Log Cabin, so he just built a Log Closet instead.

Not that there's anything wrong with that! And none of this bothers John McCain, because he's a maverick™!


namastenancy said...

Gee, I'm so glad that you clarified this for me. He's a maverick and ????? - sort of sounds like a bad 50's song, as in "he's a rebel and he'll never be anything good?"

Matty Boy said...

Namaste, Nancy! It was actually a 60's song, and it was written by Gene Pitney, who as a suburban white boy is one of Mah Peeps, so I have to stick up for him. Pitney's sense of bombast is written all over He's a Rebel, and for me that lifts it above the level of bad pop tune.

namastenancy said...

Opps. Me bad. I should have clarified that I LIKE that song so I should never have linked McCain to it. Good pop song, bad politician.

dguzman said...

If he's a maverick, then WTF are we?

Zoey & Me said...

Gramm is gay and McSame will not have those rumors dragged through the media to November.

Matty Boy said...

Graham, not Gramm. let's get our characters straight, so to speak.