Saturday, October 25, 2008

Extra 'splainin' or giant women?

Hey! What's the matter with both?

I finally saw an article that gave plausible explanations for impressive strength of the dollar since the global crisis started, and the even more impressive strength of the yen.

The Euro is being punished vis-a-vis the dollar not because of major problems in the actual Eurozone, but because of fear that there will be trouble due to wounded European economies that threaten to bring down the Euro, though those countries use their own national currencies. The article brought up Iceland, naturally, and several former Soviet Bloc countries, most especially Poland. The only former Soviet Bloc nation using the Euro currently is Slovenia.

The dollar is gaining ground because people are moving away from nearly every other currency in the Western Hemisphere and demanding greenbacks instead.

The yen is doing better than anyone because of how many risky propositions worldwide the Japanese bet on over past few years, and now they would like their money back, thank you very much and it was a pleasure doing business with you.

The Japanese are very polite.

Or at least that's the story in so-called "reputable business publications".

Want to know the Matty Boy 'splanation? Of course you do.

The Japanese are planning to take over the world, and rule with giant Japanese women who have been genetically engineered in their top secret labs.

Like today's world, consumerism will be the rule in the new world order, with giant women forcing their tiny subjects to buy lots of deodorant, because they hate it when little vermin like us are smelly.

Some of our colossal overladies will use gentle persuasion on selected members of the new permanent underclass, but kind or cruel, the result is the same.

Cell phones for all! And paying the cell phone bill will be mandatory!

In less civilized parts of the world, kimono clad gargantuan geishas will demand total fealty, or they will bring forward a quickening of global warming with colossal cups of instant noodle soup.

Who among you knows the future? Can you be sure it ISN'T true?

I didn't think so.

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