Sunday, December 21, 2008

Who doesn't like a good "RAIDERS SUCK!" joke?

For those of my readers who pay only slight attention to professional football, or those who can't be bothered with the details of teams who play home games west of the Rockies, here is a brief summary.

Last century, The Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders were a pretty good football team, and some seasons they were actually great.

This century, the Oakland Raiders suck.

But even a bad team can have some entertainment value, by being the butts of jokes. Here are some of my favorite "RAIDERS SUCK!" jokes.

The Oakland Police are cracking down on speeders heading into town :
For the first offense, they give you two R
aiders tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The
Oakland Raiders .

Q. What do the
Raiders and Rick Warren have in common?
A. They both can make 90,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.

Q. How do you keep the
Oakland Raiders out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. Where do you go in
Oakland in case of a tornado?
A. To the
Coliseum - they never have a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call
an Oakland Raider with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. Why does George W. Bush want to send Raider QB Jamarcus Russell to Venezuela?
A. The CIA are convinced he's the only American who can overthrow Hugo Chavez.

Q. What's the difference between the R
aiders and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do the R
aiders and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Add your favorite "OUR TEAMS SUCK!" jokes in the comments, won't you?


Anonymous said...

Whew . . for a moment there I thought you were writing about the Redskins.

Matty Boy said...

Oh, please. The Redskins are mediocre. The 49ers are struggling.

The Raiders flat out suck.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the jokes, now I can really torture my dad this January.

Ed said...

Funny, many of these sound remarkably similar to Chicago Bears jokes...

Anonymous said...

2002 was the "Year of Distraction" where I was supposed to be doing all the right things only to be faced with the Raiders in the Super Bowl and the A's in the World Series.
Well, I was far off expectations. The Raiders still got what they want, unless they were supposed to win, because I was a Steeler fan when I was a child. But the A's, my only favorite team in all of sports, the team the gods created a connection with, where my fate/potential was illustrated through their achievement or lack therof, lost their World Series matchup, with the Giants of course (Bay Bridge Series created great excitement) and as a "consolation prize" the A's were given the AL win streak record of 20 games in a row during the month of August.
I think this is why the Raiders were good back then:::me. The Situation.
I think they positioned Al Davis to along the way learn the truth and become good, and the Cable fiasco may have been the clue they are deliberately tanking the team so they don't provide a distraction to the poor Raider Nation who are so handicapped in this department. But Al Davis isn't going to live forever.
As I illustrated with "angel dust" (the gods used the "cholo" community to frighten whites away from this drug), there are clues in names and terms. I think it is true as well for Los Angeles. I suspect the gods put an unincorporated Hollywood in Los Angeles's boundries to balance the goodness, as is so prevalient in today's organizational structures.
Judging from their success, the Raiders were still positioned to be confused when they initially moved to Los Angeles, but along the way the gods positioned the proprietors to have become educated. Return move a positive because it corrects the earlier mistake, but one day, when Al Davis is no longer with us, the new owners of the Raiders will reverse the trend, making the Raiders evil once again, and they will return to Los Angeles to pollute the City of Angels, just as the movie industry does on a daily basis, perhaps bigger and better than ever.