Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Benighted States of America

So we are now about a week into the Flags of February experiment, and the blog has had visitors from every inhabited continent, (Sorry, guys in Antarctica, you are really just tourists), from places as exotic as Morocco, Indonesia and Azerbaijan. The visitor this month from place that is that farthest from Matty Boy Central, a.k.a. Oakland, CA, would be South Africa, since the exact other side of the world from me is just a little bit off the coast of Madagascar. I am encouraged by the steady traffic, some coming in to check out older posts, but large numbers stopping by to read whatever silliness has popped into my head each day.

With all the successes, there are still six* of the United States that have not had a single visitor to this blog since February 1, and those states are marked in black, while the states in white have sent visitors my way. (Washington, D.C. would be included in the "visited the blog" tally. I have at least one D.C. visitor a day.) Do I do this to shame them? Well, no, since it's a little hard to shame people who aren't actually paying attention. Instead, I make a post to enlighten those who might not know the attractions that await them here at Lotsa 'Splainin' 2 Do.

* Ask and ye shall receive. Someone from North Dakota stopped by and the picture and the numbers have been update accordingly, since this person was so prompt.

Wouldn't someone in Arkansas like to learn more about gigantic child brides? Of course he or she would, if that person just knew where to look. They might want to know about Formula One racing tycoon Bernie Ecclestone and his lovely bride Slavica, 28 years his junior and 12 inches (or 30 cm) taller than he is. This sort of information is well documented on this blog.

Perhaps some young person in Idaho has an interest not just in gigantic child brides, but in giant women in general. Certainly, such a person would want to know the full story behind the throng of worshipers at the feet of a colossal Rene Zellweger, or what a giant Jane Weidlin will decide to do about the tiny troublemaker in the foreground. [Spoiler alert: give him a little backhand slap and knock him into next week.] This seeker after knowledge only needs to find where this kind of information can best be accessed.

Hint: If you are reading this sentence, you have come to the right place. Welcome!

Perhaps there is some person unknown currently residing in Wyoming, oblivious to odd differentials in the sizes of males and females, who simply wants a picture of an adorable sleeping rat cuddling his favorite teddy bear, possibly with a mildly amusing and heartwarming caption. Where on the World Wide Web would that person find such a thing?

Well, hypothetical question asker, I think that question answers itself.

Stop by, fellow Americans! Don't be the last state send a visitor to this little corner of the blogosphere.


Mathman6293 said...

I lived in Kentucky for a summer back in 1985. Does that count? OK - I guess that is more like admitting to a problem.

FranIAm said...

Wyoming? That's Cheney country!

Matty Boy said...

When I was a lad, my father told me that Wyoming was not actually a state but a massive tax dodge. I have not done any independent research, so I would be breaking the Fifth Commandment if I did not believe him without verification.

Padre Mickey said...

You wanna know what'll bring people from those six states to your blog? Tax cuts! That's all that's holdin' 'em back. Tax cuts, the solution to everything.