Maybe you've already seen this on the web, maybe you haven't, but there's a motivational seminar in Fort Worth on October 26 that sounds like a hoot. For only $19 for EVERYONE IN YOUR OFFICE, you and all your co-workers can get fired up listening to speeches from the line-up of yahoos pictured above. The super special guest star is George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States, who got so motivated by how many ever zeros there were on the check they gave him that he will travel all the way from his new home in Dallas to Fort Worth to give his talk.
Hope he's not too tuckered out.
Here's the Who's Who from left to right.
Colin Powell: Maybe he'll bring a tiny vial of anthrax with him. That would be so motivational!
Terry Bradshaw: Years ago, I saw him on 60 Minutes and I thought "He's not dumb, he just has a Southern accent." Then I saw him try to sing Hard Day's Night with Paul McCartney.
Zig Ziglar: This guy is Mr. Motivation himself. If your boss gives you a ticket to a motivational seminar and Zig Ziglar isn't on the bill, motivate yourself right out of your seat and go do something useful with your day. It doesn't matter that Ziglar is 327 years old. He's not retired, He's re-fired!
You'll hear lots of memorable little nuggets like this at a motivational seminar. They will stick with you forever. Not unlike scars from surgery.
Robert Schuller: Does God love this guy? Look, he's got a crystal cathedral. Not stone, not wood, not steel, crystal. If you've ever played Dungeons & Dragons, you just know crystal's got to be better.
George W. Bush: I don't have to say more, do I? Motivational! Or as he might say, motivationable!
Tamara Lowe: You may be wondering who this is. She's a best selling author of the book Get Motivated! As far as I can tell, she put this little shindig together.
Rick Belluzzo: You thought you could pick out the most evil person from this line-up? Well, take a second look at Rick Belluzzo. He is widely considered to be the person who killed a company called SGI before becoming president of Microsoft for 14 months (or as he is listed in the program, Legendary President of Microsoft) before he abruptly resigned. Here's the second graf from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's story about him pulling a Palin.
"The unexpected resignation prompted speculation that Microsoft's corporate culture, dominated for more than 20 years by Chairman Bill Gates and Chief Executive Steve Ballmer, can be difficult for outside executives to penetrate."
After failing upwards into the gig at Microsoft, now he's a speaker at these low-rent business pep rallies.
Did we mention that a $19 ticket gets your entire office in the door? Yes, hypothetical question asker, I believe we did.
Rudy Giuliani: During the question and answer, you might want to check to see if he's sent his pal Bernie Kerik a fruit basket yet. Bernie has a new permanent address called JAIL thanks to some activist judge, and he might need some thoughtful gifts to brighten the place up.
You get all this valuable stuff for just $19 for your whole office. An entire business day for every one who works for you flushed down the crapper ON PURPOSE so the next day and the day after that, your workforce will be a jillion times more productive, because they will be MOTIVATED!
You have to wonder how this works as a business model. They have to be losing money on every warm body that walks through the door. Could it possibly be that they will try to motivate you and your co-workers into buying over-priced crap when you are there?
Hypothetical, you are quite the cynic sometimes.
Not a criticism, just an observation.