Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Bible Stories Illustrated!

One of the proofs of the divinity of Jesus is that they never found the body when they opened the sealed tomb. But scholars who have read the lost Gospel According to Kal-El have this passage where The Man Of Steel tosses both the cross and the man crucified on it into outer space. Mystery solved!

If you wonder why he would do such a thing, you may need to go to this website to see many examples of Superman being a dick.

Actually, I'd like to discuss a bible story found in the regular version available at stores near you, almost all hotel rooms and quoted in places around the Internet. Adam and Eve.

Adam and Eve is one of my least favorite Bible stories. As a factual account of the history of humanity, it leaves a lot to be desired and even as a metaphor, great is its suckitude. I was shopping at my local supermarket yesterday and the nice Jehovah's Witnesses ladies had lured someone into a conversation. They were discussing original sin, and the nice J.W. lady asked the possible convert if she agreed that Adam was born without sin. She agreed, so this meant that original sin is something humans brought upon themselves, not something God did to them.

A young man nearby felt the strong need to correct these ladies about their error in scholarship. Adam was completely free of sin and would have stayed that way except for his wicked wife Eve, who was foolish enough to listen to the talking snake with legs, and so the fall of mankind was obviously the fault of the half of mankind that do not have penises, or so believed this individual from the penis enabled half.

These people were having a passionate argument about a story where one of the main characters is a talking snake with legs. Seriously.

I don't want to speak ill of all religion and religionists. I have evolved past that. I went to the grocery store today, and nearly every kind of beer was on special, and I'm pretty sure we have St. Patrick to thank for that. So, good on ya, Paddy!

1 comment:

sfmike said...

Fuck St. Patrick. He was a Roman imperialist who helped destroy pagan Irish religions. Glad the beer was on sale, though.