Saturday, December 24, 2011

What Tim Tebow did not say today.

Hi, my name is Tim Tebow.  I play professional sports.  I am a Christian and my faith informs all aspects of my life.

My team, the Denver Broncos, won six games in a row, many in exciting comebacks in which my play was key.  I praised God and other Christians put me forward as a sign not only of Christ's love but of Christian superiority.

The Broncos have now lost two games in a row. The first loss was to the honestly superior Patriots.  I ran for two touchdowns but passed for none, and our defense was unable to stop the Patriots.

This week we played the Bills, a team that on paper should not be our superior.  I ran for a touchdown and threw for another, but I also threw four interceptions and was as instrumental in causing this loss as I was in causing several wins.

The reason is simple.  God cares little who wins sporting events.  God does not root for Notre Dame or Texas Christian or the people who always give him praise.  God does not root against those who forget to point skyward or fall on one knee after a touchdown.  He has more important things to do than care if a field goal is kicked true or is pulled to the right.

God loves me when I win and when I lose.  There are people of faith rooting for any given team playing a sport in America, and God does not plan a win to raise the victorious fans up or plot a loss to cause grief and teach humility to His faithful who root for the loser.

It's just a game and there are more important things in life.  Most important is how we treat our fellow man.

I'm not Tim Tebow, I'm Matthew Hubbard. Tim Tebow did not write this.  He's too rock fucking stupid to realize this.

Here endeth the lesson.  Happy holidays.


Abu Scooter said...

What should really gall the Tebow-Fascist Zombie Brigade™ is the fact that Tebow lost to the team whose leading wide receiver blamed God for losing a game last year.

Oh, and Tebow fucked up one of my fantasy teams today. Thanks, Tim.

sfmike said...

I love God's wicked sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

I wish you would send this to his fan club.