Monday, February 25, 2013

Suggestion for nominations for a new poll:
Lovely actresses with stinky careers

Hello, loyal readers!  Or should I say loyal non-readers, because I have become an absentee blogger.  I'm still writing about sci-fi predictions and math stuff (including some math about climate data) over on my two new blogs, but I am neglecting my oldest blog in a shameful way.

Watching the Oscars, I had an idea that really isn't about math or sci-fi, so that means I come here to write about it.

The topic is pretty actresses with truly awful careers.

First, let's set some ground rules.

1. Actresses with the name near the title in big budget films. There are boatloads of pretty women in Hollywood and there have been since the days of Mabel Norman. I don't want to pick on some lovely starlet like Yvette Vickers who spent her career in zero budget sci-fi flicks or the very attractive actresses whose career highlights play on Cinemax in the lonely wee hours, if you catch my drift.

In other words: No Shannon Tweed, no Shannon Whirry, none of their busty and usually nekkid ilk.

2. My first four choices are still working. Examples from earlier eras are allowed. The woman who started me thinking about this is still working and even owns an Oscar, as do two other women on my fledgling list. There may be other actresses from earlier times who had a great start and a weak finish, I just haven't thought of them yet.

Without further ado, the starting four of Lovely Actresses With Stinky Careers list, soon to be a reader's poll coming to you on this very blog.

I won't lie, Halle Berry is the reason I made this list in the first place. She has a new movie coming out that looks really stinky, and it's not the first piece of stinky cheese she has starred in.

It says a lot about a person's career when she makes Catwoman and it is not hands down the worst movie she ever made.

Swordfish. Gothika. Movie 43.

The list does not end there, sad to say.

Still, when she wore a cleavage enhancing gown on the Oscars last night, I appreciated it in a dignified but dirty old man kind of way. 

Friend of the blog Karen Zipdrive nominated Charlize Theron. Like Halle Berry, Ms. Theron has an Oscar and she was very funny on Arrested Development.

Still. Aeon Flux. Sweet November. Astro Boy. Snow White and the Huntsman.

Did I mention Aeon Flux? Yes, I think I did. Still, it bears repeating.

Truly orful. 

I chose an earlier picture of Nicole Kidman because she's looking a little stretched and worn now.  Like our two earlier nominees, she has an Oscar.

She did not win it for Bewitched, The Stepford Wives, Eyes Wide Shut, Australia or Batman Forever.


Our fourth nominee has no Oscar, but she is my favorite on the list by a very wide margin. Sarah Michelle Gellar had the title role in the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer and she was great. But on the big screen...

Hmm. Not so much.

Scooby-Doo. Scream 2. Southland Tales. Harvard Man. The Grudge.

Some of these movies had sequels. That does not mean they were good.

So there is my starting list.  I will give folks until Thursday to make other nominations and I will start the poll on Friday.  I'll also let people chime in on Facebook and Twitter.


Lockwood said...

The first three definitely had some winners, though, so I wouldn't say their whole careers stunk. Can't speak for SMG, though- haven't seen any of her film work. And seriously second your sentiments toward Aeon Flux.

My nominee is Milla Jovovich. Ultraviolet. Every bit as bad, and less coherent, than Aeon Flux. I find the Resident Evil series uneven, but 2 and 4 are pretty lame. The Joan of Arc film got pretty well panned, and I haven't watched it. Likewise Return to the Blue Lagoon. On the other hand, I quite liked her in Dazed and Confused, and The Fifth Element. Again, not so much a stinky career, but some real stinkers of film.

Matthew Hubbard said...

Milla Jovovich is an excellent choice, thank you, Lockwood! She is gorgeous, she looked like she was on her way and then BAM! A one way ticket to Palookaville.

She's number 5 for sure.